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00:00:
Oh, yeah, look everyone! I brought my thingamabab!
00:03:
My weapons grade thingamabab!
00:05:
Oh, you just don't know what words are! That's your thing!
00:09:
Oh, that'll work!
00:12:
Mind over and grab your ankles!
00:15:
You know, a couple days ago we talked about the new Little Mermaid movie, which is atrocious,
00:20:
and I haven't seen it, but of course I can say that. You don't need to see it in order to say that.
00:25:
one of the songs in that movie that went viral for all the wrong reasons if you're a Disney
00:30:
because it's like potentially the worst song ever made. It's just terrible.
00:34:
And so it was suggested to me by McKenna that because I so hated having to suffer through that song,
00:40:
what we should do today is play a bunch of other terrible Disney songs.
00:43:
So let's just, uh, let's start with this one is from, this one's from Moana.
00:47:
Let's see, I watch a little bit of it.
00:50:
Like a treasure from a sunken pirate wreck
00:53:
Scrub the deck and make it look shiny
00:56:
I was far from like a wealthy woman's neck
00:59:
Just a sec, don't you know
01:02:
Fish are dumb, dumb, dumb
01:04:
They chase anything that good at us
01:06:
Beginners
01:08:
Oh, and here they come, come, come
01:10:
Come to the brightest thing that good at us
01:13:
Fish ginners, I just love free food
01:16:
All right, yeah, no, no, no, no, it's not five.
01:18:
Turn it off.
01:19:
Stuff.
01:19:
So here's the thing.
01:20:
I saw Moana.
01:21:
I believe I've seen Moana.
01:22:
I think I took my kids to see it when it was,
01:25:
I saw them theaters with my kids.
01:28:
Right.
01:28:
Sure.
01:29:
And I remember thinking that it's not terrible.
01:33:
I remember thinking that.
01:34:
It's not a remix.
01:35:
That was my first thing going in.
01:36:
It's not a remix.
01:37:
I was actually making original content.
01:38:
You know, there's nothing, there's nothing woken it.
01:40:
And it's like, it's not, it's not terrible.
01:45:
But I don't remember this at all.
01:47:
I must have blocked this from my memory.
01:49:
I must have suppressed this deep down in the recesses of my memory,
01:53:
because I have no recollection of this awful song.
01:56:
Well, I don't know what's happening in this scene.
01:59:
Is she about to be eaten by this crab thing?
02:01:
That is pretty bad, but it doesn't rise
02:04:
to the level of the little mermaid song.
02:06:
So let's keep going.
02:08:
This one is from, okay, this is from the new Pinocchio, I guess.
02:11:
Let's listen.
02:12:
I'll design the perfect one you show.
02:16:
And then we'll sing and dance the whole day through.
02:20:
If you could splinter his arms.
02:22:
Peter, I'm your conscience, Jiminy Cricket.
02:24:
Ah, fuck!
02:26:
That's in the wrong. That's competing.
02:28:
Is that trying to be bad?
02:29:
Is that the joke?
02:31:
And the other thing about the Pinocchio remake
02:33:
is how many Pinocchio movies do we actually need?
02:38:
Like this movie, there are so many versions of this movie.
02:42:
And I know this because recently I was trying to put Pinocchio on for my kids,
02:48:
like the original, you know, the one from the 60s or the 50s when I came out.
02:52:
And I was trying to put that on for my kids and I'd say, type Pinocchio.
02:56:
There's like, there's 15 versions of this movie.
02:59:
Every year they come up with a Pinocchio remake.
03:02:
Is it really the kind of movie that it's like,
03:05:
There's so much in that story that we need to keep retelling it over and over again.
03:09:
I bet a lot of you folks don't believe that.
03:11:
Do you?
03:12:
Like, the kids don't like Pinocchio.
03:13:
Pinocchio, we're in set, you know.
03:18:
Pinocchio, we're in set, you know.
03:19:
Pinocchio, we're in set, you know.
03:23:
Kids don't like Pinocchio.
03:25:
You know, so I think Pinocchio exists as the kind of story in the kind of movie that kids hate.
03:31:
And this is not modern.
03:32:
It's like it's always been this way.
03:34:
But then they become parents and their perception of the story changes and they try to force their kids to watch it and the kids still don't care.
03:40:
So, but okay, it was never great, but they somehow made it worse with that song.
03:43:
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03:57:
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04:00:
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04:42:
The clip three is, I don't know what this is,
04:44:
Diane Guerrero in Conto.
04:48:
Which one is that?
04:49:
Is that a Pixar thing?
04:50:
Oh, is that the Mexican one?
04:52:
That's the Mexican one.
04:52:
Okay, go ahead.
04:55:
Rose and rose of roses
04:58:
Through the myel by the myel
05:01:
I make perfect practice poses
05:06:
So much high-freed
05:08:
I'm in my smile
05:10:
What could I do if I just knew what I was feeling in the moment?
05:15:
Oh, you know it, oh, wait
05:17:
Alright, that sounds like a pop song
05:20:
It sounds like a modern pop song
05:21:
And I mean that in the worst possible way
05:22:
I don't mean that as a compliment
05:24:
It just sounds like the kind of just, just like,
05:27:
it's not aggressively obnoxious, I don't think.
05:29:
It doesn't make your,
05:32:
it doesn't make you nauseous listening to it.
05:34:
It's not good either, it's just nothing.
05:36:
But there's no charm to it.
05:37:
That's the other thing, you know, the old Disney movies, those songs.
05:40:
You still remember those songs,
05:41:
because there's a certain kind of charm to them
05:45:
and all this stuff when they make these remakes in the new Disney movies,
05:48:
they're not able to capture that charm and that enchantment anymore.
05:53:
They don't have it because all of these movies are made by, they're not made by storytellers, okay?
05:59:
They're made by committee.
06:00:
They're made by like, it's like, these are corporate products and they're made by marketing departments
06:05:
and they sit around in rooms and meetings
06:07:
and they come up with these stories based on, you know,
06:11:
what's gonna make those money and how can they merchandise it
06:13:
and how they can they sell it.
06:14:
That's all that matters.
06:15:
So there's no magic to it.
06:17:
Okay, and can't that was not the best-given one.
06:19:
So that's deeply racist in my part.
06:21:
You vile racist.
06:23:
The segment's gone great.
06:25:
Let's listen to this one.
06:26:
Now I know she'll never leave me, even as she runs away.
06:36:
She will still torment me, calm me, hurt me, move me, come what may.
06:45:
Wasting my lonely tower
06:49:
Wasting by an open door
06:53:
Okay, yeah, I could tell that's new. I could tell that's new.
06:57:
It sounds like it's their impression of the kind of a Disney song.
07:01:
They're doing a, it's like, it's a parody. It's a parody of a 90s Disney song,
07:07:
but it can't actually capture the essence.
07:09:
And it also looks so stupid.
07:12:
You take the beast and you try to make it realistic.
07:15:
It was making it gritty and realistic.
07:16:
You have this humanoid buffalo creature.
07:19:
It's making it realistic and it looks ridiculous.
07:22:
And I'm not going to get into the whole thing about beauty and the beast.
07:24:
We've already talked about it.
07:26:
All my problems, my many problems with the story to begin with,
07:29:
and the fact that Gaston is the real good guy in the story.
07:31:
We've talked about that, but she goes, she gets kidnapped by a beast,
07:37:
like an animal. It's not even a human and falls in love with it.
07:41:
Remember, she falls in love with that thing before she doesn't even know, wait a second.
07:46:
Does she know that he used to be a human?
07:52:
I don't think she knows that. So it's not even like she's falls in love with the potential
07:56:
or she knows that he used to be a human and if she... Yeah.
07:59:
She thinks that he's literally just like a buffalo creature, a talking buffalo.
08:04:
And she falls in love with him. Disney's been woke for a while because they're promoting
08:08:
beast reality even all the way back in the 90s.
08:11:
All right, I guess we should finish this up.
08:13:
Should we finish this up by watching that little mermaid song again, listening to it?
08:17:
Probably not, but let's do it anyway.
08:20:
Hey, wake up, wake up, wake up!
08:22:
What?
08:23:
Hey, have you not heard that scat all by?
08:26:
No, the gossip, the boys,
08:28:
the who's that, why, who does that?
08:29:
Yeah, that's got all but.
08:30:
Well, I was flying over land and seeing ear to the ground.
08:34:
Then I came flying here for you to see and hear what I found.
08:37:
Remember that swap?
08:38:
Alright.
08:39:
Yeah, we didn't need to do that.
08:40:
We didn't need to do that.
08:41:
Nothing comes close to that.
08:43:
When you listen to that again, you realize that it's just that exists on a tear that none of these other songs.
08:50:
Other songs are bad.
08:51:
They're just bad.
08:52:
They're bad.
08:53:
So a lot of bad songs are a dime a dozen.
08:54:
You hear those all the time.
08:56:
That though transcends badness.
08:59:
It reaches some other.
09:00:
It's almost impressive.
09:02:
It is actually almost impressed by a strange new respect that you could make a song that
09:07:
terrible. Good, I think this is productive and I think it's stuff. Okay, we've heard enough.
09:14:
Alright.
09:16:
Good!
09:17:
The day must be swept as the coursing river
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