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00:00: Oh, yeah, look everyone! I brought my thingamabab!
00:03: My weapons grade thingamabab!
00:05: Oh, you just don't know what words are! That's your thing!
00:09: Oh, that'll work!
00:12: Mind over and grab your ankles!
00:15: You know, a couple days ago we talked about the new Little Mermaid movie, which is atrocious,
00:20: and I haven't seen it, but of course I can say that. You don't need to see it in order to say that.
00:25: one of the songs in that movie that went viral for all the wrong reasons if you're a Disney
00:30: because it's like potentially the worst song ever made. It's just terrible.
00:34: And so it was suggested to me by McKenna that because I so hated having to suffer through that song,
00:40: what we should do today is play a bunch of other terrible Disney songs.
00:43: So let's just, uh, let's start with this one is from, this one's from Moana.
00:47: Let's see, I watch a little bit of it.
00:50: Like a treasure from a sunken pirate wreck
00:53: Scrub the deck and make it look shiny
00:56: I was far from like a wealthy woman's neck
00:59: Just a sec, don't you know
01:02: Fish are dumb, dumb, dumb
01:04: They chase anything that good at us
01:06: Beginners
01:08: Oh, and here they come, come, come
01:10: Come to the brightest thing that good at us
01:13: Fish ginners, I just love free food
01:16: All right, yeah, no, no, no, no, it's not five.
01:18: Turn it off.
01:19: Stuff.
01:19: So here's the thing.
01:20: I saw Moana.
01:21: I believe I've seen Moana.
01:22: I think I took my kids to see it when it was,
01:25: I saw them theaters with my kids.
01:28: Right.
01:28: Sure.
01:29: And I remember thinking that it's not terrible.
01:33: I remember thinking that.
01:34: It's not a remix.
01:35: That was my first thing going in.
01:36: It's not a remix.
01:37: I was actually making original content.
01:38: You know, there's nothing, there's nothing woken it.
01:40: And it's like, it's not, it's not terrible.
01:45: But I don't remember this at all.
01:47: I must have blocked this from my memory.
01:49: I must have suppressed this deep down in the recesses of my memory,
01:53: because I have no recollection of this awful song.
01:56: Well, I don't know what's happening in this scene.
01:59: Is she about to be eaten by this crab thing?
02:01: That is pretty bad, but it doesn't rise
02:04: to the level of the little mermaid song.
02:06: So let's keep going.
02:08: This one is from, okay, this is from the new Pinocchio, I guess.
02:11: Let's listen.
02:12: I'll design the perfect one you show.
02:16: And then we'll sing and dance the whole day through.
02:20: If you could splinter his arms.
02:22: Peter, I'm your conscience, Jiminy Cricket.
02:24: Ah, fuck!
02:26: That's in the wrong. That's competing.
02:28: Is that trying to be bad?
02:29: Is that the joke?
02:31: And the other thing about the Pinocchio remake
02:33: is how many Pinocchio movies do we actually need?
02:38: Like this movie, there are so many versions of this movie.
02:42: And I know this because recently I was trying to put Pinocchio on for my kids,
02:48: like the original, you know, the one from the 60s or the 50s when I came out.
02:52: And I was trying to put that on for my kids and I'd say, type Pinocchio.
02:56: There's like, there's 15 versions of this movie.
02:59: Every year they come up with a Pinocchio remake.
03:02: Is it really the kind of movie that it's like,
03:05: There's so much in that story that we need to keep retelling it over and over again.
03:09: I bet a lot of you folks don't believe that.
03:11: Do you?
03:12: Like, the kids don't like Pinocchio.
03:13: Pinocchio, we're in set, you know.
03:18: Pinocchio, we're in set, you know.
03:19: Pinocchio, we're in set, you know.
03:23: Kids don't like Pinocchio.
03:25: You know, so I think Pinocchio exists as the kind of story in the kind of movie that kids hate.
03:31: And this is not modern.
03:32: It's like it's always been this way.
03:34: But then they become parents and their perception of the story changes and they try to force their kids to watch it and the kids still don't care.
03:40: So, but okay, it was never great, but they somehow made it worse with that song.
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04:42: The clip three is, I don't know what this is,
04:44: Diane Guerrero in Conto.
04:48: Which one is that?
04:49: Is that a Pixar thing?
04:50: Oh, is that the Mexican one?
04:52: That's the Mexican one.
04:52: Okay, go ahead.
04:55: Rose and rose of roses
04:58: Through the myel by the myel
05:01: I make perfect practice poses
05:06: So much high-freed
05:08: I'm in my smile
05:10: What could I do if I just knew what I was feeling in the moment?
05:15: Oh, you know it, oh, wait
05:17: Alright, that sounds like a pop song
05:20: It sounds like a modern pop song
05:21: And I mean that in the worst possible way
05:22: I don't mean that as a compliment
05:24: It just sounds like the kind of just, just like,
05:27: it's not aggressively obnoxious, I don't think.
05:29: It doesn't make your,
05:32: it doesn't make you nauseous listening to it.
05:34: It's not good either, it's just nothing.
05:36: But there's no charm to it.
05:37: That's the other thing, you know, the old Disney movies, those songs.
05:40: You still remember those songs,
05:41: because there's a certain kind of charm to them
05:45: and all this stuff when they make these remakes in the new Disney movies,
05:48: they're not able to capture that charm and that enchantment anymore.
05:53: They don't have it because all of these movies are made by, they're not made by storytellers, okay?
05:59: They're made by committee.
06:00: They're made by like, it's like, these are corporate products and they're made by marketing departments
06:05: and they sit around in rooms and meetings
06:07: and they come up with these stories based on, you know,
06:11: what's gonna make those money and how can they merchandise it
06:13: and how they can they sell it.
06:14: That's all that matters.
06:15: So there's no magic to it.
06:17: Okay, and can't that was not the best-given one.
06:19: So that's deeply racist in my part.
06:21: You vile racist.
06:23: The segment's gone great.
06:25: Let's listen to this one.
06:26: Now I know she'll never leave me, even as she runs away.
06:36: She will still torment me, calm me, hurt me, move me, come what may.
06:45: Wasting my lonely tower
06:49: Wasting by an open door
06:53: Okay, yeah, I could tell that's new. I could tell that's new.
06:57: It sounds like it's their impression of the kind of a Disney song.
07:01: They're doing a, it's like, it's a parody. It's a parody of a 90s Disney song,
07:07: but it can't actually capture the essence.
07:09: And it also looks so stupid.
07:12: You take the beast and you try to make it realistic.
07:15: It was making it gritty and realistic.
07:16: You have this humanoid buffalo creature.
07:19: It's making it realistic and it looks ridiculous.
07:22: And I'm not going to get into the whole thing about beauty and the beast.
07:24: We've already talked about it.
07:26: All my problems, my many problems with the story to begin with,
07:29: and the fact that Gaston is the real good guy in the story.
07:31: We've talked about that, but she goes, she gets kidnapped by a beast,
07:37: like an animal. It's not even a human and falls in love with it.
07:41: Remember, she falls in love with that thing before she doesn't even know, wait a second.
07:46: Does she know that he used to be a human?
07:52: I don't think she knows that. So it's not even like she's falls in love with the potential
07:56: or she knows that he used to be a human and if she... Yeah.
07:59: She thinks that he's literally just like a buffalo creature, a talking buffalo.
08:04: And she falls in love with him. Disney's been woke for a while because they're promoting
08:08: beast reality even all the way back in the 90s.
08:11: All right, I guess we should finish this up.
08:13: Should we finish this up by watching that little mermaid song again, listening to it?
08:17: Probably not, but let's do it anyway.
08:20: Hey, wake up, wake up, wake up!
08:22: What?
08:23: Hey, have you not heard that scat all by?
08:26: No, the gossip, the boys,
08:28: the who's that, why, who does that?
08:29: Yeah, that's got all but.
08:30: Well, I was flying over land and seeing ear to the ground.
08:34: Then I came flying here for you to see and hear what I found.
08:37: Remember that swap?
08:38: Alright.
08:39: Yeah, we didn't need to do that.
08:40: We didn't need to do that.
08:41: Nothing comes close to that.
08:43: When you listen to that again, you realize that it's just that exists on a tear that none of these other songs.
08:50: Other songs are bad.
08:51: They're just bad.
08:52: They're bad.
08:53: So a lot of bad songs are a dime a dozen.
08:54: You hear those all the time.
08:56: That though transcends badness.
08:59: It reaches some other.
09:00: It's almost impressive.
09:02: It is actually almost impressed by a strange new respect that you could make a song that
09:07: terrible. Good, I think this is productive and I think it's stuff. Okay, we've heard enough.
09:14: Alright.
09:16: Good!
09:17: The day must be swept as the coursing river