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00:00:
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00:34:
Hello and welcome back to the Sunday special episode of the U.A. podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham and I'm Jared Freed
00:39:
It is so good to be back here with you Jordana. We love a Sunday special, right? Yes
00:44:
We love a Sunday special. I'm excited to be back
00:47:
We you know, I feel like last episode the Wednesday episode you didn't tell us any
00:51:
Europe. My European Europe stuff.
00:54:
Travels. It was great.
00:56:
Give us the one best thing about that happened in Europe.
00:59:
I had a blast. The shows, awesome.
01:02:
The shows were amazing.
01:03:
It was great to meet our international fan base.
01:06:
Oh yeah. I feel like London had to be like ready to go.
01:09:
Well, London we have, there's a crew.
01:12:
There are people. The British, the Brits are, they want you up live.
01:17:
They were asking for.
01:18:
Wow. Well, if you want us to come,
01:19:
If you want us to come, Jared to come back.
01:21:
If you want to dearer, you apply, tell your friends about the show.
01:26:
If you don't live in America,
01:27:
and even if you do live in the United States, tell a friend, friends with dating issues and problems and brunch table fodder.
01:35:
This is where they come.
01:37:
And yeah, no, we have an audience.
01:39:
I mean, the craziest, all of it was crazy,
01:42:
just to be a citizen of the world, so to speak.
01:45:
You know?
01:46:
It's an international man of mystery.
01:47:
That's right.
01:50:
Didn't hook up once.
01:52:
I thought, and I'm gonna talk about this on our benefits episode, I think.
01:57:
Okay, so we'll save.
01:58:
If you wanna hear about Jared's hook up, my dry streak, my dry spell.
02:04:
Okay.
02:05:
I'm gonna make out.
02:06:
What was your, okay, you had a make out.
02:08:
You got some make out.
02:10:
Yeah.
02:11:
But really, some people would call that a hook up.
02:13:
Not me.
02:15:
Some middle schoolers would call that a hook up.
02:17:
Yeah, middle school me would be like, yeah!
02:20:
High five.
02:22:
Crushed it.
02:22:
Yeah.
02:23:
Jews Condom.
02:26:
No, I would say the, you know, basically I'm in Oslo.
02:30:
It's the last show of the tour and I had a blast in Oslo the show was great.
02:35:
And then I stayed at this nice hotel.
02:37:
Oh, I wanna give a shout out.
02:39:
Over the moon, vacation.
02:41:
Yes, she did my honeymoon.
02:42:
She planned your Europe trip.
02:43:
My Europe trip, just easy to work with it.
02:46:
I would say that their specialty is the hotels.
02:49:
Yeah, they're really good at the hotels.
02:50:
Especially if you're gonna go to Europe,
02:52:
you wanna stay at like, I think like the places they put me,
02:55:
I was so happy they were interesting boutique.
02:58:
Seek the boutique is my motto for going on a European vacation.
03:03:
I agree with that because I think sometimes when you go
03:05:
into like a chain type restaurant, right, type,
03:09:
even if it's like a really nice part of like,
03:12:
whatever the Marriott portfolio is or whatever,
03:15:
It still doesn't feel like you're really getting a taste
03:18:
for like the city that you're in.
03:19:
No, and I would say they're,
03:22:
no, in America you can find these,
03:24:
but they're harder to find because of the portfolio
03:26:
of big time hotels that you talk about.
03:28:
But there there's these like family-owned things
03:32:
that have been around for a long time,
03:35:
and they take, it's just very fine.
03:37:
You know, a lot of the, you know, the serials.
03:38:
We do details.
03:39:
The details, beautiful.
03:41:
The details.
03:42:
As they say out in Europe.
03:44:
So over the moon vacations, go check them out.
03:47:
They were fantastic.
03:48:
I gave them my tour and I was like, set it up.
03:50:
So I'm staying in this really nice hotel in Copenhagen.
03:52:
I think it's called the Continental.
03:54:
And, you know, I did the first night show.
03:58:
And then the second day, I kind of had free and then I was leaving.
04:02:
9 a.m. I'm getting off the elevator.
04:04:
Also, shout out to base.
04:07:
I don't know if they're sponsoring this episode or not.
04:09:
They're definitely doing a bunch of spots throughout time.
04:13:
I had my base weekender and the base rolling bag.
04:16:
That base rolling bag is great.
04:18:
I've used it for every trip I have now.
04:20:
In tandem, it was like the tag team.
04:24:
It was great.
04:25:
And I checked it, didn't check it.
04:27:
You can do whatever you want with it.
04:29:
Whatever you want.
04:31:
Half your way with it.
04:33:
So, but I had a lot of stuff.
04:36:
It's a three week adventure I was on.
04:38:
Yeah.
04:39:
So I go, I'm coming out of the elevator and I bump into this woman.
04:44:
And she goes one way, I go towards the checkout desk
04:47:
and she kinda went on her way
04:50:
and then I go to the checkout and then I hear Jared
04:55:
and I turn and the woman who almost ran over each other,
04:59:
she goes, I listen to the pods.
05:02:
Love that.
05:03:
And I was like, in Oslo?
05:04:
In Oslo.
05:05:
Or Copenhagen.
05:06:
Oslo, North, okay.
05:08:
And I go, she was like,
05:11:
She wasn't at the show.
05:12:
She's like, what are you doing here?
05:15:
For the last person she expected to walk through the door.
05:19:
And then she offered me cocaine.
05:22:
As everyone who greets you now must do.
05:24:
Do not approach Jared in public with
05:26:
unless you have a dime bag of cocaine.
05:29:
Have it ready.
05:30:
What a straw.
05:32:
No, she, but it was such a moment of like,
05:35:
the world is big and is small.
05:38:
You do feel far from home. but also comfy.
05:41:
Right.
05:42:
And it's just very cool and heartwarming
05:45:
to see, to meet people who have been helped by this podcast and.
05:50:
Yeah, it's incredible.
05:51:
And that know us in Oslo, you're like, what?
05:56:
No, it's very surreal.
05:57:
I think it's very, very cool.
05:58:
Very cool.
05:59:
And the shows were great.
06:01:
And as a standup, it's just like,
06:05:
people are like, is the material work?
06:07:
It all fucking works, baby.
06:09:
Okay, it works anyway.
06:11:
Don't you worry.
06:12:
Don't you fucking worry, bring your friends.
06:14:
This works everywhere, the theme of relationships and family and all those things that, you know, we all find funny.
06:20:
Yeah, you're saying.
06:21:
A funny no matter where you go.
06:22:
Universally relatable.
06:24:
I like to think so.
06:25:
Let's get anything else.
06:27:
How are you?
06:28:
You know, how's a suburban life?
06:31:
The suburban life is great.
06:32:
All the big update on our benefits episode.
06:35:
Yes.
06:36:
It might be out already. be out, it's be out tomorrow.
06:39:
Okay.
06:40:
You get to hear all about that.
06:41:
We both are saving our good stuff for the benefits.
06:43:
Right.
06:44:
Pay up bitches.
06:46:
Yeah.
06:47:
But for now, let's get into, also if you haven't gotten your tickets for the Philadelphia
06:51:
show, which is in like 11 days.
06:54:
I don't know.
06:55:
Come on.
06:56:
Time to buy the tickets.
06:57:
We get, yeah, it's enough already.
07:01:
But we get excited when the show is like pop it.
07:04:
We want to know the people are going and I think when you start, if you're like playing
07:07:
on coming, get the tickets now, then let the group chat know, hey, we're going on this fun show.
07:11:
The Thursday and June, it's going to be a great time.
07:13:
It's going to be a blast.
07:14:
You're not at the shore yet.
07:15:
You're not heading down to the Margate yet.
07:19:
You're not going down the C Isle city yet.
07:21:
It's over.
07:22:
You're not going to Atlantic City.
07:23:
You're not going to wherever the fuck you go.
07:24:
It's time to see a show.
07:26:
We're going to have a great time.
07:28:
I'm going to be chugging faux pas on stage.
07:30:
It'll be a blast.
07:31:
It's going to be amazing.
07:32:
And listen, we were debating between Philly and Atlantic City
07:35:
and we wound up wound up going to Philly.
07:37:
So don't make us regret this.
07:39:
Get those fucking tickets.
07:40:
Get those tickets.
07:41:
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10:47:
Let's go to the email.
10:49:
Let's go to the email where the subject is,
10:50:
is Jared's 10 month are becoming my reality.
10:54:
So I guess to explain this, if anyone's a new listener,
10:57:
I am famously known for dating for 10 months
10:59:
and then like drifting into the fog.
11:03:
Are you, have you done that many times?
11:05:
I've done it many times, not so much recently.
11:07:
Okay, yeah, you definitely don't do that anymore.
11:09:
Not anymore, I've been better about it now.
11:11:
I remember in my,
11:12:
because when I, when we started this podcast,
11:14:
I was like four months into dating Mike
11:15:
and you were like, 10 months is when they really decide,
11:18:
I'm like, okay.
11:19:
Shit.
11:20:
I do believe 10 months is like a moment where you go, oh shit.
11:24:
Like, you need a two month buffer before the one year anniversary.
11:27:
Right.
11:28:
You can't do the one you can't do it anymore.
11:30:
You can't get too close to one year.
11:32:
Right.
11:33:
And beware of birthdays, anniversaries, trips, global pandemics, fertilizing your eggs.
11:42:
fertilizing your eggs as our friend from Vanderpump knows.
11:47:
Yeah, these are all things that, you know,
11:49:
I think, and this is kind of the theme of this email,
11:52:
is you have to understand that we're not talking about these things.
11:58:
This might be the first time the guy you're with has been presented with these things.
12:02:
Yeah.
12:03:
You know, I think that's a big part of this.
12:05:
And listen, I'm gonna reiterate,
12:07:
anyone is allowed to leave for any reason at any time.
12:11:
Right, but I do think, I remember we went on a batch of party once.
12:14:
It was my buddies and I and it was my buddy Thunder Dan.
12:19:
Thunder Dan.
12:20:
Thunder Dan.
12:21:
So Thunder had a batch party in Austin.
12:24:
We all go down to Austin, we get a boat on Lake Travis.
12:28:
As you do.
12:29:
As you do.
12:31:
The boat we got from like Craigslist, whatever it was.
12:34:
It was not really, it wasn't like big pop as boat company.
12:38:
It was like very much.
12:39:
Random. with a boat.
12:41:
Okay.
12:43:
And we pay to flat fee.
12:45:
And I think when you're rando with a boat
12:47:
with a flat fee, your whole game...
12:51:
Get as many people on the boat.
12:53:
Or not.
12:54:
Leave the dock as little as possible.
12:56:
Oh, okay.
12:57:
Because gas is a fluctuating cost.
12:59:
Right.
13:00:
If you use the less gas you lose,
13:02:
the more you make on this trip is my assumption.
13:05:
What do you not have to do with how many people are coming?
13:07:
Other people don't matter.
13:08:
So if it's $5,000, you're getting a fixed rate.
13:12:
I see.
13:12:
So we cheaped out, we get this fixed rate,
13:14:
we're living on the boat, the boat smelled like shit.
13:18:
And we got partied on this boat.
13:19:
And the first day we get to this boat,
13:21:
it's kind of rainy, and he's hooked up to the dock,
13:25:
and we just partied on the dock.
13:27:
And we're having a fun time.
13:29:
But there was a point where you're like,
13:31:
why haven't we gone into the lake yet?
13:35:
We're just attached, we're a buoy.
13:37:
We were just sitting there.
13:39:
And I was like, what's going on?
13:41:
And I remember the boat captain, every time we'd go,
13:45:
are we gonna like go out into the lake?
13:48:
He'd be like, oh, you guys wanna go in the lake?
13:52:
You guys wanna like go out to see you'd act like.
13:55:
And then it was just like a room next to the water or anything.
13:59:
He couldn't have met, oh, I forgot.
14:01:
What?
14:02:
Well, like when you're the boat captain.
14:04:
What has he even doing there?
14:05:
Right.
14:06:
And every time.
14:08:
Oh, and so then it became a running joke.
14:10:
I couldn't stop making fun of this guy.
14:12:
Okay.
14:12:
Every time, I be like, you want to breathe oxygen?
14:15:
Like I kept saying that in front of him.
14:16:
Because I was like, this is bullshit.
14:18:
He's keeping us on the dock.
14:20:
To not wait, you know, he doesn't want to invest more.
14:24:
Okay.
14:26:
Same with this is how guys do relationships.
14:28:
Okay.
14:30:
Okay.
14:30:
Oh, you want to like move on with life?
14:34:
Oh, you want to like get engaged?
14:35:
Well, that's not how you run a business as we're about.
14:38:
Right.
14:40:
It's not how you run a business.
14:41:
All right, I'm gonna read it.
14:42:
Go for it.
14:44:
Dear Jared and Jordana.
14:45:
It actually says, dear Jared and Jordana.
14:48:
Dead Jared and Jordana.
14:49:
Have I died?
14:51:
Am I here?
14:52:
Dead.
14:53:
Dead.
14:54:
Have listened to every regular in Benny's episode ever realized and love everything you,
14:59:
Benny's at, I've listened to every regular in Benny's episode ever realized and love everything you do.
15:04:
I don't feel like it was.
15:06:
I think this person has a wrong typing issue.
15:09:
Have you, uh, they, now we know why it's 10 months.
15:11:
Thank you for making me laugh every week.
15:14:
I, 25 and my boyfriend, 29 have been together for about nine months.
15:18:
We met at a work party where I apparently asked him to do a shot with me.
15:21:
Then proceeded to LinkedIn DM him later that night.
15:24:
Interesting.
15:25:
Good sense of boundaries.
15:26:
Right.
15:27:
There are great things are great between us.
15:29:
I am historically anxious about attachment and he is secure.
15:32:
I've been going to therapy since we started dating so I won't resort back to my petty ways.
15:37:
We have so much fun together, have great conversations and he is so good to me.
15:40:
I definitely see us with a future ahead and told him a few months ago, I loved him, which left him actually speechless.
15:46:
That's good and bad.
15:47:
It's weird because she keeps saying things are going incredibly, but then she keeps in
15:50:
the same sentences or saying things that are a little alarming to me.
15:54:
If you're writing to us, things are not going great.
15:57:
Well, here's the thing.
15:58:
I told him I loved him a few months ago, which left him speechless,
16:01:
but a few months ago, it's three months ago.
16:03:
They've been dating for nine months.
16:05:
So six months in, if the person you're dating
16:08:
says they love you and you're left speechless,
16:11:
I find that to be a weird sign.
16:13:
It is funny to me that she didn't say,
16:15:
I, he didn't say I love you.
16:17:
Speechless is like kind of a lip stick on a pig, so to speak.
16:22:
It's like, and he was speechless.
16:24:
And you're like,
16:26:
Like that is you don't say speechless in a negative way, right?
16:30:
You know what I mean? There's there's a little bit of marketing going on here. This is like the same story
16:33:
She told her mom and he was speechless. Yeah, it's been yeah, this is a weird spin
16:39:
Most of his friends are married and engaged and I'm his first longer girlfriend
16:42:
He definitely doesn't express his feelings as much as I do but based on actions taking my card of the mechanic when I'm in meetings
16:48:
Bringing me lunch giving me work advice inviting this sound like normal every day
16:52:
things right inviting me on family trips cooking for me
16:55:
et cetera I know how much he cares hold on let me go okay
16:58:
we'll keep going to go through the things that he does
17:00:
well I can go through the things that he does and I can
17:02:
tell you how little they matter okay taking my card of the
17:04:
mechanic when I'm in meetings doesn't mean shit that you
17:08:
know that that to me does not say I'm ready for the next
17:12:
step okay that's right good friend good yeah bringing me
17:16:
lunch. So does Door Dash. Giving me work advice. What is he supposed to say if she's
17:23:
complaining about work? I guess that's your problem. Right, yeah, what's he supposed to say?
17:29:
Inviting me on family trips, okay. Okay, I mean, you know, we've said on this podcast
17:34:
many times the social structure, whether fair or not fair, it is what it is for men is
17:40:
not the same. Inviting someone on a trip with your family, I would personally take that
17:45:
as a move of commitment of some sort.
17:47:
I think it means he likes her,
17:49:
but it doesn't mean that he is afraid
17:52:
of the family going, what happened to someone so?
17:56:
Fair, fair.
17:57:
Is my point in something that maybe I understand.
18:01:
Anyone who would say he brought me on trips,
18:02:
I get why they say it.
18:04:
I am here to tell you.
18:05:
Doesn't mean anything.
18:07:
Pump on the brakes.
18:08:
Nothing means anything.
18:09:
Right.
18:10:
Father, my children.
18:11:
Well, that's because he has,
18:13:
just because he agrees to be the dad of the kids and getting gay.
18:17:
That's a good thing.
18:18:
Mary does not mean that he's interested in you at all.
18:25:
Easy there, big fella.
18:27:
Whoa, whoa.
18:30:
Oh, there's a very funny thing I think my brothers,
18:32:
I'll show it to you after, it's very funny.
18:36:
I'm sorry.
18:37:
We want the listeners to know.
18:38:
I'll find the thing.
18:39:
Oh, I'll tell them where to, do you want to see it?
18:41:
Yeah, I want to see it.
18:42:
Well, Sherrod on the Instagram, it's like a very much in that exact vein.
18:45:
The last one on here while you look is cooking for me.
18:48:
Okay.
18:49:
I don't think that's...
18:50:
Yeah, I think that that one's... ...empermatic of whether he feels...
18:55:
Here's the thing, when you brought up that you joke about the kids, those keep you stuck.
19:01:
I think to a lot of women bringing a guy in a family trip, you are stuck with your family going, what happened to Johnny?
19:09:
And that is a stuck for you.
19:11:
But not as much for me.
19:13:
That's true.
19:14:
So I'm saying as far as the sticky, the glue.
19:17:
None of these are gluished.
19:18:
None of them are gluished.
19:19:
Oh well, it's funny.
19:20:
Well, this is from my brother DM this to me.
19:23:
And it's actually a post from Matchmaker Maria, friend of the pod.
19:26:
Friend of the pod, a fob.
19:28:
And someone she did post Q&As,
19:29:
five months exclusive, met family and friends, good sign.
19:32:
And then Matchmaker Maria wrote, but is he your boyfriend?
19:35:
And then she said, her next slide is a video, which was a very funny video.
19:38:
We'll show it to you now.
19:41:
Yeah, I wanted to bring that up. I think we should be hanging out with each other's friends.
19:44:
It makes this seem a little more serious than it is, right?
19:47:
Because I can be out of here at Boone any moment.
19:49:
You've been seeing each other for six months. Are you my boyfriend?
19:53:
Yeah.
19:54:
Probably by hearing what not.
19:55:
Yeah, so it's like, hello, life changing that we made a human or whatever.
20:00:
Uh-huh. I'll be home at 5.
20:01:
I'm still at home, okay.
20:04:
Yeah, I had the picture.
20:05:
I get it.
20:08:
I think there's an Amy Schumer sketch
20:11:
that she kind of did of the other side of it.
20:13:
Yeah.
20:14:
Where, I don't know, there's, maybe I miss her memory.
20:18:
Where she doesn't say who they are.
20:22:
And she's like on the deathbed.
20:23:
Oh, she's the person.
20:24:
Yeah.
20:25:
Interesting.
20:26:
There was another, she's giving the other side of it maybe.
20:27:
I don't want to say that this was,
20:29:
no, but I actually like me kind of, like,
20:32:
but the idea of like what are we and not admitting to it.
20:35:
Yeah, it's not a, you know, he's, he's handed the baby.
20:44:
The other day, as she writes, the other day had a quarter-life crisis meltdown to what she was very supportive and comforting during.
20:51:
The most emotionally helpful I've seen him.
20:53:
That week and we were out with one of my gay best friends and my friend kept drunk and we were referencing our wedding.
21:00:
I think the compilation, quote unquote, are wedding.
21:02:
I think the compilation of these events made my boyfriend actually think for once about
21:05:
what our relationship means to him and where it's going.
21:07:
Oh, you want to get married one day?
21:09:
See?
21:10:
Yeah.
21:13:
We finally had a real deep conversation about things where he expressed he loved spending
21:16:
time with me and cares deeply, but not love, I guess.
21:20:
Okay, so he didn't say I love you back then.
21:21:
Not as speechless anymore.
21:24:
Cares deeply about me and wants us to continue dating so we can ensure emotional compatibility.
21:29:
He thinks he's not emotionally giving enough and that I deserve that and also is afraid
21:34:
I'm more certain of the relationship than he is.
21:37:
I have dated a fair amount and I'm always processing things with my therapist, friends, and family,
21:41:
so I'm more certain of what I want generally.
21:43:
Would love your take on this.
21:44:
We are great together and I've agreed to be more openly communicative about this going forward.
21:49:
But I'm worried I'm going to be dropped at any second.
21:51:
Thank you.
21:52:
Don't tell HR.
21:54:
Because they're dating at work.
21:57:
Here's what I would say.
21:59:
She writes a couple things that I just want to point out.
22:02:
I've already pointed out a bunch of things.
22:05:
The only kind of thing I want really quickly
22:07:
is that anytime someone is having a conversation with you
22:11:
and talking about what you deserve, it's over.
22:14:
It's over.
22:15:
Yeah.
22:15:
And because someone who's planning on being with you
22:17:
is not talking about all the things that you deserve because there would be the ones
22:20:
who would have to do all those things.
22:21:
So if you're ever hearing anyone that you're dating,
22:24:
say stuff about all the things that you deserve,
22:28:
to me, that's a brighting on the wall.
22:30:
You gotta pump up the raft before you push it out to see.
22:35:
Right, you gotta let it know how great and wonderful they are.
22:37:
Yeah.
22:38:
Before saying for someone else.
22:40:
That's funny, I haven't heard that one before.
22:42:
You gotta get a pump pump pump.
22:45:
I, yeah, it's not a good sign.
22:47:
It's not a good sign.
22:48:
You deserve a lot.
22:49:
You deserve a lot.
22:51:
You deserve something like that.
22:53:
Yeah.
22:54:
You deserve.
22:55:
You do deserve that from someone else.
22:59:
Someone should give that to you.
23:01:
Ain't gonna be me.
23:02:
It's like that Bob Dylan song.
23:04:
What's that?
23:05:
It ain't me.
23:06:
It ain't me.
23:07:
It ain't me, baby.
23:08:
It ain't me, baby.
23:10:
I think another part of this is she says,
23:13:
if I'm worried I'm going to be dropped in any second.
23:15:
Like, I think that's a rational fear.
23:19:
I think it's a rational fear, but it's also like,
23:22:
I think she's gonna be dropped in any moment to be totally honest.
23:26:
I know, I'm trying to speak to her.
23:28:
Like, you know what I mean?
23:30:
Like, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I'm like,
23:32:
am I gonna be dropped in any second?
23:34:
Like, I don't know.
23:37:
You've stated what you are and what you want.
23:40:
The problem is he's giving her what she wants.
23:43:
If she-
23:44:
He doesn't want to cut her head off, as we say.
23:46:
Right, but he's giving her everything she wants.
23:48:
When she writes all these things, she's going, everything's great.
23:50:
Like, took my car, you know, like all the, but she's...
23:55:
He loves spending time with me and cares deeply, but not love.
23:59:
Right.
24:00:
I guess my problem is,
24:02:
I was like,
24:03:
the problem is that he says he wants us to continue dating so we can ensure emotional compatibility.
24:08:
Not very sexy.
24:10:
Not the most romantic.
24:12:
I think it's a little...
24:13:
I knew she was the one once I insured compatibility.
24:15:
I think he's kicking the can down the road
24:18:
so he doesn't have to deal with this right now.
24:20:
Right, right.
24:21:
Like what will change?
24:23:
That's the thing that you have to wonder.
24:25:
In what day does he go emotional compatibility achieved?
24:31:
Right, I feel for it because the other thing I want to bring up
24:35:
is like she's like, I've dated a fair amount,
24:38:
always processing things with my therapist, friends, and family.
24:42:
So I'm certain of what I want generally.
24:44:
And it's like he has not done that.
24:46:
Yeah, it's clearly not done that.
24:48:
And it is not something we do.
24:53:
You know, like there's not this open conversation
24:57:
every time I get with my friends of like,
25:00:
so are you, what do you think?
25:03:
Is he giving you, is she giving you every one thing you need?
25:05:
Is she, you do kind of a certain point,
25:08:
oh, so you guys are like heading towards it.
25:10:
Like that's more of conversation.
25:12:
Right, so I do understand the thought of like,
25:16:
Well, he's not as versed in this as I am, but I,
25:21:
I don't know, I think I'm with you where it's like,
25:23:
I don't know.
25:26:
The more I watch of this is she goes,
25:28:
I mean, when she lists out earlier in this where she says,
25:31:
bringing me to meetings, bringing me lunch, you know, work advice, she's like,
25:35:
she, that's her saying, I'm getting everything I want.
25:38:
Finally.
25:39:
Right.
25:39:
So it's like, there's nothing here that's wrong other than he's like,
25:42:
not certain how long he wants to be with her.
25:45:
and saying outright, like I don't, right?
25:47:
Well, that's the thing.
25:48:
I mean, she could keep, here's the, it really depends on her.
25:52:
I know, no, because it's kind of, it's hard to, it's almost harder when it's like your decision.
25:56:
Because if she wants, like,
25:57:
sounds like she's having a good time, she could keep dating the person.
26:00:
She's 25 years old.
26:02:
If you waste three months more of her time,
26:03:
like, it's not the big of a deal.
26:05:
It's not wasting, if she's having fun,
26:07:
it's not a waste of her time, right?
26:08:
When she gets to the point where she's like,
26:10:
I wanna know that the person I'm with
26:13:
takes this more seriously, sees this going somewhere
26:15:
or else I would like to find someone who is, then she can do that.
26:19:
She doesn't, unless she wants that right now,
26:25:
and that she might, I think there's nothing wrong with that,
26:27:
but there's also nothing wrong with saying,
26:28:
I'm having a good time,
26:31:
if he decides in a few months that he doesn't wanna be with me, then that's also fine.
26:36:
Like, then she, with her staying in it,
26:38:
I think it's more if she doesn't,
26:40:
if the possibility of being with someone
26:42:
for a longer period of time than this.
26:44:
And it ending with him saying, yeah, I've thought about it.
26:46:
I actually don't really feel like I can get there.
26:48:
Like if she can imagine that situation
26:50:
three, six months a year down the line
26:52:
and how she might feel about that.
26:54:
And it's not that bad, then let it go.
26:57:
Here's my feedback to that.
27:00:
I agree with you.
27:02:
I think, I'm trying to think like what I would respond to.
27:05:
If you were him.
27:06:
If I were him.
27:08:
I would have said the same thing as him.
27:10:
Which is like kind of nothing.
27:12:
Kind of nothing.
27:13:
Right, right.
27:14:
And this is a lot of the, like if I was to give the tools
27:18:
to the women looking to get answers to their questions.
27:21:
My biggest advice is to stop sitting in this hypothetical world.
27:26:
Because right now this is, like I'm trying to think of,
27:29:
like how would I, nine months in?
27:33:
Do I want marriage and kids of course?
27:37:
I gotta see if we're emotionally compatible.
27:40:
Do you know what I mean?
27:41:
Like, that's so far off.
27:43:
I think if you really want an answer's, what's the next thing you want?
27:49:
Like, do you wanna move in together?
27:51:
Move in, or maybe it's just a trip.
27:54:
Sure.
27:55:
Like, because I...
27:56:
What do you want that you're not getting?
27:57:
Menor fixers, I, you know.
27:59:
But I can also see wanting assurance that you take this relationship seriously.
28:03:
Well, it comes with that in mind.
28:06:
You know, moving in is a version of seriously.
28:09:
So like moving in would be a better one than a trip.
28:12:
But if you said, let's take it down to a trip.
28:14:
You're six months in.
28:15:
You really like this person.
28:17:
You guys are boyfriend and girlfriend.
28:18:
You've said I love you.
28:19:
You've got nothing back.
28:21:
It's their spatula.
28:22:
Yeah. How about it?
28:23:
I love you.
28:25:
Yeah, I love you.
28:26:
It was a very physical, tangible thing.
28:28:
Yeah, some people would break up with someone
28:29:
after nine months if they didn't say I love you and it wouldn't be that crazy.
28:32:
Not crazy at all.
28:33:
And I think to question them on it,
28:36:
so have you said I love you to anyone before?
28:39:
Like I think you gotta stay in the tangible.
28:41:
Right.
28:42:
She is, and the tangible she's using that we've already refuted are things
28:48:
that an assistant could do for you.
28:50:
Right.
28:51:
If Dore DASH can do it, it's not important.
28:54:
Well here's the other thing.
28:55:
It's like some people just do,
28:56:
most people take those things to mean they're about them.
28:59:
And some people, like you said,
29:01:
Some people would take you, if they were dating you,
29:03:
you introducing them to your friends as a big thing, right?
29:06:
But to you, you do that with everyone, so it's not a big thing.
29:09:
So it's not like, why would he do this?
29:11:
It's like, why does he do that?
29:12:
Why does he do that?
29:13:
Why does he do this to me versus why does he do that?
29:16:
Something to do with her.
29:17:
Like, he might just be a guy who is like, helpful to anyone that he's with,
29:20:
he's gonna take their card to the mechanic.
29:22:
He's gonna cook for them,
29:23:
because that's just kind of like what he does.
29:25:
It does nothing to do with you or not you.
29:28:
We talk a lot about the reveal.
29:29:
A certain reveal would go, when you brought my car the mechanic, you don't understand how much that means to me.
29:36:
That is like something that like my husband will do. Right. I don't think that's a crazy thing to say to someone.
29:42:
To let them know what things mean to you, that's a reveal.
29:47:
Or what things that they're not doing mean to you. When I said I love you and you didn't say it back,
29:52:
it made me think you're not really necessarily particularly committed to this relationship.
29:56:
right what what makes you what what what what does love mean to you yeah that's a
30:02:
good one what does love mean to you lean to you it feels like a song what's love got to do what's love got to do with it got to do with it what's love of the second hand and move.
30:16:
Is that Tina Turner?
30:18:
Tina Turner.
30:19:
Great song.
30:20:
Oh my God.
30:21:
Wait, what?
30:23:
Is this awkward?
30:23:
Come on, really?
30:25:
An hour ago?
30:27:
That's really weird that we just happened to sing this song.
30:31:
Like while we were recording, am I dead Jared?
30:35:
Are you a medium?
30:36:
What's going on?
30:37:
That's crazy.
30:39:
I don't mean to be a guy in the world.
30:40:
That's really not trying to be medium.
30:43:
We didn't know that I didn't know that happened. What's that?
30:47:
That's shocking
30:49:
That's very random. I definitely did not know that. Oh, what's got love got to
30:54:
So so talented
30:57:
How old 83 I mean
31:03:
I thought she was younger than that right let's see her a certain way still but she had a good life
31:10:
She lived a long life
31:12:
Jordan is gonna be speaking at Tina Turner's funeral.
31:17:
I mean.
31:20:
Weird, this is weird.
31:21:
No, that is very weirdly coincidental
31:23:
because it's not like we've ever mentioned
31:24:
Tina Turner at all during this podcast ever.
31:26:
Ever.
31:27:
In five years.
31:28:
I am speechless.
31:30:
Just like this guy.
31:33:
We couldn't say I love you.
31:35:
And this episode is dedicated to Tina Turner.
31:38:
That's right.
31:39:
I don't know if she wanted it.
31:40:
YouTube with that like the with the name and the years memoriam put it on the
31:46:
YouTube. Yeah, I just think she needs to get more this person needs to get more
31:53:
tangible and asky. Yes. And get in there. You got to like kind of try and scare them away.
32:01:
Yeah, and here's the thing like if you make it through those conversations your
32:05:
relationships going to be a lot better. Right. You're negotiating around them.
32:08:
You're negotiating.
32:08:
The best way out is through.
32:09:
That's one of the best pieces of advice that I've ever gotten.
32:13:
It's the best way out.
32:14:
Most people think the best way out is like around.
32:16:
The best way, fastest way, most growthful way out is through the issue.
32:22:
That's right.
32:23:
I think we helped her.
32:24:
I think we did too.
32:25:
I think we helped Tina turn.
32:28:
No, we didn't help Tina.
32:29:
We didn't help her at all.
32:30:
Good luck to the Fterner family.
32:32:
We wish you the best.
32:34:
I even saw that movie.
32:35:
What was the movie called? but she was about her life.
32:39:
It's called what's love got to do with it.
32:41:
Anybody?
32:42:
Yeah.
32:43:
It was a good movie.
32:44:
Has time turned?
32:45:
The Tina Turner star?
32:47:
Simply the movie.
32:48:
There's a movie that was about a movie.
32:52:
Lots of movies they know about it.
32:54:
Oh, it is called what's love got to do.
32:55:
Good movie.
32:56:
Good movie.
32:56:
Anyway.
32:58:
We're back on Wednesday.
33:01:
Hi.
33:04:
The U.A. podcast is produced by Sean Kilby.
33:06:
Maddie Paul and Jorge Morales Pico.
33:09:
Editing by Jorge Morales Pico.
33:11:
Social media by Maddie Paul.
33:13:
Be sure to follow at you.up.podcast on Instagram
33:17:
and send us your emails to uup at Beaches.com. ations.
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